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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Half Full or Half Empty?

Attempting to categorize you as an optimist or pessimist, people often ask, "Are you a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty person?" 

I always say, it depends...I see it in terms of a process. If you're filling the glass, it's half full. If you're emptying it, it's half-empty. I suppose that makes me a pragmatist. 

But really, the pessimists have a point: they're never disappointed. Either things turn out poorly, and they're vindicated; or things turnout well, which is beneficial to the pessimist regardless. Glad to be right and glad to be wrong. But who wants to be gloomy all the time? 

As it turns out, I may have a practical answer to the glass question, but I tend to maintain a very positive disposition regarding the future. I am absolutely certain that everything will work out perfectly, eventually (<-key word).

But what if we asked a few famous folks the glass-half-full or glass-half-empty question What might they say?

  • Spock: It is not logical to debate the method of describing a glass with 50% of its volume occupied by water.
  • A Klingon: Water? I said bloodwine, you p'tahk!
  • Captain Kirk: There's...water...in...the glass.
  • Gollum: Precioussss. Will the glasseses leave a ring?
  • Darth Vader: Never underestimate the power of a glass of water. Join me in a glass of water, and together we can rule the galaxy!
  • Dumbledore: It's not the fact that you hold a partial glass of water in your hand, Harry; it's how you choose to wield that power. 
  • Federal government: I see you have some water there. I know where you got it. I know who you talked to about it. Give me a large percentage of that water!
  • Batman: It doesn't matter. This is the glass of water that Gotham needs.
  • Iron Man: Relax, ladies, there's plenty of water to go around...
  • Jack Bauer: It won't matter after I've drowned you in it. Now tell me what I need to know!
  • Barack Obama: Now, make no mistake, I didn't even know there was a glass of water until I heard it on the news. But let me be perfectly clear: this is the most transparent glass of water in history.
  • Indiana Jones: That glass of water belongs in a museum!
  • Hamlet: To drink the glass of water, or not to drink the glass of water...that is the question.
  • Elf: Does the glass of water have sugar in it? Then, YES!
  • Sherlock Holmes: Isn't it obvious? With that brain, how do you not simply die of thirst?
  • The Doctor: People assume that a glass of water is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... glassy-wassy... stuff. I mean, it wasn't even there yesterday, and it won't be there tomorrow. But to me, it was always and never there. Got any custard?

Feel free to add your own versions in the comments!